A theory of love

I remember the academic courses at Jordan University to be quite dull and boring but one course really affected me and it was called "Introduction to social psychology". I used to read ahead of the class because the topics discussed in it were so compelling.

Topics in that course explored how humans change their behaviour when others are present, how soldiers are convinced to kill in the war and exploration of some of the theories related to love.Now that was new to me and i would love to share this theory that stuck with me since university. It is called the Triangular Theory of Love. I actually refer to it when i discuss such topics with my friends.

This theory was developed by a psychologist named Robert Sternberg and according to him love consists of three components:

1) Intimacy:

Is the feeling of closeness that exists between two people.
Intimacy is characterized by feelings of caring, concern, understanding, trust, and closeness between two partners. Intimate partners are good friends and support each other in times of need. Intimacy is primarily emotional in nature.

2) Passion:

It is the drive that leads to romance, physical attraction and intercourse.
Passion is characterized by intense desire, feelings of longing, need of the partner, and joy at the thought of seeing the partner (and anxiety or worry at the thought of separation). Passionate partners crave each other's presence, much as do people who experience an addiction. Passion is primarily motivational in nature.

3) Decision / Commitment:
The decision and commitment to further a loving relationship.


The "amount" of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components while the "kind" of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other.

Based on the different combination of the components we have the following eight types:

1) Non love: is the absence of the three love components

2) Liking: Present in true friendships where you feel the bond but with no passion or long-term commitment

3) Infatuation: is felt as "love at first sight"

4) Empty Love: present in arranged marriages where there is commitment but no passion or intimacy has developed

5) Romantic Love: an emotional and physical bond are there through intimacy and passion

6) Companionate Love: This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship but a deep affection and commitment remain

7) Fatuous Love: present in relationships and marriages where a commitment is motivated largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy

8) Consummate Love: is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive.

Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple”.

May you all find your consummate lovers.